The Perfect Parent: Is there such a thing?
by Vicki McCarthy
I’m the parent of a 12 year old girl and I got it very wrong today. I did all the things that as parents we’re told we shouldn’t do. I switched off when I could have been listening and I yelled when I could have remained calm.
But the truth is, being a mum or dad can be hard. In fact it’s probably the only job in the world where you’re not given any training or an instruction manual and to top it all there’s no get out clause - you can’t resign when you think you’re fed up with it.
When my daughter was born I imagined I was going to be some kind of ‘Earth mother’. However after a few weeks (maybe days) of being a mum I realised I was far from it. I really didn’t have a clue. In fact I just could not believe that such a tiny person would take over my world completely and challenge everything I thought I knew about being a mum. Far from being the perfect parent, I just muddled along and tried to figure things out along the way. And sometimes I still do.
However attending a parenting workshop with Parent Network Scotland (PNS) has helped me tremendously. Unlike other parenting workshops I’ve attended the PNS workshop helped me realise that it’s ok to make mistakes and to stop blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. I now realise that it’s not just me and that other parents feel the same way as I do.
The reality is, there is no such thing as a “Perfect Parent”, despite what we’re led to believe on television and in magazines. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got, even on the days when we know we’ve got it all wrong.
And surely that’s good enough?
Parenting courses to improve parenting skills
by Jackie Tolland
Since 1990, Parent Network Scotland has actively offered parenting courses and training in different settings across Scotland. Progressing from the earlier Parent-Link and Parenting Matters courses, we now run the Parents Together series originally devised by Parentline Plus. Our courses are run in local communities to make it easier for parents to attend. We provide childcare if possible.
Our courses usually involve eight to ten parents and aim to ensure maximum learning andawareness. Parents identify their interests before starting (for example teenagers, helping children learn, ADHD) so all materials are tailored. For our core course, Parenting Matters, there are many handouts from which the facilitator can choose according to the needs of different groups.
All courses aim to help parents to improve their parenting skills - for as long as they areparents - so this is a long-term focus. Our courses are based on parents' own ambitions about the kind of parents they want to be and how they can build on their child(ren)'s behaviour in a positive way to achieve a stable family environment.
All course facilitators are parents themselves, and have been recruited from previous courses. Each goes through a comprehensive training course and is mentored until they feel confident to run a course on their own. They are supported and supervised and we provide regular top-up days and peer support.
We are keen to ensure that the learning from our courses lasts and develops. So, we have proposed carrying out active research on building communities of parents. We have devised a new, currently voluntary, post of parent link worker. We will use part one of our facilitator training course, Parenting for All, to enable potential volunteers to learn how to run post-course support groups in the community. The skills they learn will help increase their confidence and may even enable some to take up training or employment opportunities. They will also have the opportunity to become fully trained facilitators.
With funding from the Scottish Community Foundation, we are training ten parents to become parent link workers. They will have the opportunity to support groups in local communities and to further their training to become facilitators. We will pilot this in Ruchazie in Glasgow along with Quarriers Family Centre and also in Maryhill. We will run courses and offer the parents attending the chance to stay together as a group. They will be supported by some of the ten parents to help them sustain their learning. We hope that new parents will come forward from this development to become parent link workers.
For more details contact: Jackie Tolland, Development Manager, Parent Network Scotland, 0141
948 0022, jackiet@pns.org.uk
