Talking to Our Children
Work out how to be clear, firm and gentle when talking to children
Saying "I"
"I" statements are clear, assertive, honest and unmanipulative. If children do not feel attacked, blamed or humiliated:
- they are more likely to co-operate
- they maintain their self-esteem
Examples of using "I" statements
"You never pick your toys up. It's your fault they break."
Vs.
"I feel cross when I see your toys being stood on. I'd like you to put 10 things away"
"Why can't you be more like your brother? You're always so scruffy"
Vs.
"I want you to wash your face"
"Will you two stop screaming You're driving me mad"
Vs.
"I need a rest from this noise. I'd like you to play that in another room"
Labels Stick
(Examples of labelling versus Describing behaviour)
Concentrate on the Positive
Examples of saying "Don't..." versus stating the positive.
"Don't you dare go near that puddle"
Vs.
"I'd like to see if you can go right round that puddle"
"Don't make a noise when I'm on the phone"
Vs.
"I need some peace so I can hear what George's Mum is telling me"
"Don't drop it!"
Vs.
"I bet you can carry it carefully over to the table"
"I learned not to lose my temper all the time."
"The best part for me was learning to be less confrontational and more positive."
"I am less reactive. I can pause and then act and have choices about how to act."
